Confessions and Observations

Changes

I've got a new design for this site, I downgraded my Typepad account to a Basic account and now I am using the predesigned templates, without any modifications. I like it though, and I needed a change. I didn't need all the features of the Pro account and I'm saving some money.

I'm also going to stop using Tabblo and just post pictures to Facebook. I've currently got too many places to update and it'll be easier to have just one place for photos. Tabblo was becoming very time-consuming and with the feature to order prints long gone, it wasn't as useful for my family. I can share Facebook albums with people who are not on Facebook, so that's a huge benefit. The only drawback is that I won't be emailing people when I have new photos posted. There is way to subscribe to this blog feed though, scroll down to the bottom of the page in the right column, so people who want to be updated when there is a new post can do that. Or you can join Facebook and see the updates there.

Let me know what you think!

Seeking Inspiration

So, I've been a full time Mum for 9 months now and it's been difficult for me to find inspiration in anything other than what Milo is doing. I feel like it's all about him, and rightly so, somehow the things that once seemed so important now often feel trivial. But it is important for me to keep up with professional and artistic endeavors, and to that end I started a collage of inspiration on my office wall. Both Rosecrans and Fred did this before me, but I loved the idea and have finally started my own.

I've also started writing in a book that my sister Jill got me for Christmas. I don't really keep a diary, other than what you see on this site, and it's too nice for daily lists and things to do, so I've decided that, like it's cover says, I will use it to imagine and dream about the future. Anything that is a big dream, unlimited by money or other constraints, will go in this book. I would like to plan a dream home and a dream vacation and also think about my professional aspirations, personal goals and family values.

We'll see if anything good comes out of it, but I do find that it helps me to have places to focus ideas that may be bubbling around my head. Now, to find the time to make my dreams reality!

Kiss Someone You Love

This Christmas

It seemed like everyone in our neighborhood put up all their Xmas lights and went out and got a tree that weekend after Thanksgiving. I guess that's the rule right? Wait until Thanksgiving, then it's a mad dash to Christmas getting everything done: get a Christmas tree and wreath, put up decorations and buy new ones, make or order Xmas cards, stamp/stuff/label/lick 125 envelopes, put up outside lights, make a list and go shopping.

We tried to find new lights and a timer but they are sold out everywhere. Kmart's Martha Stewart stuff was so picked over it was depressing. And the one perfect gift that I wanted to get for someone was no where to be found. Online shopping? Better be done at least a week before Xmas or it won't ship in time, not to mention the cost of shipping a heavy package to Canada with a guaranteed delivery date. Thank goodness we don't go to the mall, that would be a headache and a half.

Why don't I start thinking about it before Thanksgiving? Well I guess this year it was because I was busy planning our trip to Canada. But it really would be a good idea. I always groan at the sight of Xmas things right after Halloween but maybe that's the prime time to start getting ready.

Next year I vow to go through the box of decorations early and see what we need. I promise to test the lights for burned out bulbs and dead strings BEFORE I wrap them around that prickly tree and toss them over that bush. And Christmas shopping will begin in September, when the best new things (like inanimate character stickers) are not sold out.

Or maybe all the madness is the fun of it. I like to think that at least I take Christmas a little easier than a lot of people. Rather than a perfectly sophisticated lighting scheme on the outside of the house, we opt for the trailer park look of tossed lights and single strands hanging loosely from the garage. Our tree isn't as big as most, though we do get a real one. And I don't think we over-decorate, for everything I put up, I think, "I will have to take that down in just a few weeks."

And one last word about Milo's first Christmas. I found him a cute decoration for the tree that will be his "first", but it doesn't have a baby on it, or the year, or his name. Chris didn't like any of those. It has a mouse though, in a stocking, and it's big and soft. Speaking of stockings, I bought Milo's stocking and it matches the two that Chris and I have and the little ones for the dogs. I got home and I wondered, what if I can't find the same kind of stocking when we have more kids? The second child will feel left out having a different stocking from the rest of us. And it would kill my design sense to have an odd one out anyway, so I went out and bought 2 more to have for the future. I think it's funny and probably speaks volumes about me and my Virgo obsessions. So, three kids it is. Four? No, we can't have four. We don't have a stocking that matches the rest of us.

Have a great week getting ready for Christmas!! I'm thinking of all of you and wishing I could see you all at a fabulous party that I would have thrown a few years ago, but now I can't imagine. Maybe in the New Year? Want to come to my house? You are all invited, just let me know when.

Vampire Bat Boy and Almond Joy?!

On Halloween we dressed Milo up as a Vampire Bat and I dressed up as a witch and we handed out candy to all the neighborhood kids. He was so cute!!

I asked Chris to pick up the Halloween candy this year and he came home with Almond Joy. Almond Joy?! Ewww! His logic was sound, get candy we don't like so we don't eat it and gain weight. But the problem was that kids don't like it either and I didn't want to be the house that gives out the crappy candy on the block. I returned it all and got Hubba Bubba and plain Hershey's chocolate. You can't complain about that. I scored with the Hubba Bubba candy with one kid exclaiming, "Hubba Bubba Dad!!" and the Dad said, "Nice going Witch."

We also took Milo to Chiller Theater and he loved looking around at all the tables full of videos, books, toys and Halloween stuff. There were a lot of people and so I keep him facing towards me in the sling for most of it, but close to the end I turned him facing outward and he got so much attention from people walking by. One guy even thought he was a doll or part of my costume and stopped me to see if he was real or not. We saw Lou Ferrigno of the original Hulk show, who was still buff and huge and John De Lancie who played the fabulous "Q" on Star Trek The Next Generation. It was fun.

Just For Me

In the last week I have finally got a couple things going that are just for me.

The first was that I joined the local YWCA and started going to the pool for lap swimming. It's a great way to exercise and for me it's also very relaxing and meditative to swim on my back, stare at the ceiling tiles and listen to sounds under the water. The only weird thing was that a giant man asked me how I was swimming on my back. Huh? I just stared at him, shocked that he was actually talking to me, and surprised by his ridiculous question. He said, what do you do with your hands? I showed him and then moved to the other side of the pool. Was this a lame come-on, or did he really not know? I'm not sure which is weirder. I will also be taking some fitness classes during the day that I can bring the baby to, and I will hopefully meet some other Moms in the area.

Lately it seems all I have been noticing are new Moms that are super skinny. "Hi, I had a baby a month ago and I am super skinny!". BLAH. Go away. Where are the other Moms who GAIN weight after they have the baby? I put on 30 pounds during the pregnancy, lost 15 when Milo was born, and instead of slowing starting to take off the other 15, I put on 5 more! The scale says I weigh almost as much as I did when I was 7 months pregnant, but there's no belly, just boobs and booty!

The second thing is that I started knitting. I know it's kind of cliche, a stay-at-home Mom knitting everyone scarves, but so far I'm really enjoying it (partly because it has nothing to do with a computer). I learned how to knit the basic pearl stitch from my Mom (I think) and I always wanted to knit fabulous things, but I would get bored and discouraged by how long it seemed to take. I finally figured out what works best for me: big needles and big colorful yarn. It goes super fast and it's loose and fun. I made a gorgeous blue-gray scarf in just 5 days without really trying and I am working on my second in hot pink. I have it in my head that I could sell these, but I don't want to pressure myself with producing a large volume until I am sure I won't get tired of it. Chris was as surprised as I was that I knew how to knit. It took me a bit of thinking to remember how to "cast-on" and I had to look up "casting-off" on line, but I think my first real knitted garment is really cool.

In Summary

I have been mulling over what to write about, it seems like there is so much going on in our lives, but where to start? I guess I am spending my time living my life these days, rather then writing about it. Here's a few highlights:

Milo has started solid foods and is eating rice and oatmeal cereal. He will start barley cereal on Tuesday. Stay tuned for video. He's been eating for 4 days now and oops! I just remembered he was supposed to have the oatmeal today, but I gave him the rice instead. Oh well. He seems to love it and I look forward to adding fruits and veggies next month.

We are turning in our leased VW Jetta Wagon and looking to buy a used car. So far on the list is the Toyota Matrix, though a 2003 model, which is the first year it was made, with 50,000 miles is proving hard to find. I also want to look at older models of the Honda CR-V, the Ford Focus and the Buick Rendezvous.

Batman has turned into a biter because of the measures that we have implemented for Milo's arrival  (gates and bark collars). He's always been skittish around children and Jake is scared of both of them. They just don't mix well with kids and we would hate for something to happen to Milo. We've decided to look for a new home for Batman and Robin, but will only let them go to the right people. Until then we are blocking off an area for them downstairs that they will be in all the time so they won't be upstairs when Milo starts crawling. If the basement works, maybe we won't have to (very sadly) add them to the Min Pin Rescue site.

I'm going to join the YWCA in Ridgewood  and start taking classes that I can bring the baby to. There are three a week that I'll be taking and I'm looking forward to meeting other Moms in the area and loosing the rest of the weight that I put on during the pregnancy.

My parenting skills all depend on which books I am reading. Certain books make me feel good about the way things are going and confirm what my instincts are telling me (Anything by Dr. Sears and the Attachment Parenting philosophy) but others make me feel like I am not "training" Milo properly and make me feel anxious about where he's at and what he's doing (Dr Brazelton's Touchpoints and Tracy Hogg's Baby Whisperer). Our pediatrician said to just do what works and that you can't spoil a kid until they are at least one year old. Babies aren't capable of manipulation and their wants are the same as their needs.

We have been liberated from the TV by upgrading our cable box to a DVR. A Digital Video Recorder. It's so great. We can pause live TV, rewind and easily record and watch later while skimming through the commercials. These things are especially important when Milo decides to wake up during a favorite program. At one point we canceled cable, but not because we hated TV, because we hated commercials and times when nothing was on. Now we always have a store of Will and Grace or Inside the Actor's Studio, not to mention weekly favorites like Ghost Whisperer and CSI and we can watch them without commercials. It's amazing.

Analyzing My Life On My Birthday

A birthday is a good time to reflect on one's life and I've lived enough of it now to actually see that I have passed through four distinct phases and I am in number five right now. Each shift happened because of very intentional and significant changes that I made in my life.

But first, pictures from my birthday on the 14th:

Phase One: Happy Childhood and a Big Family
Age: Birth to Twelve/Thirteen (1975-1988)
My childhood was great and of course defined by spending time with family. We camped a lot and spent weekends building things with my Dad in the backyard or inside playing in the attic. The end of this phase was about a year long process during grade eight when I started spending more time with friends, going to parties and having real boyfriends. I was hanging out with the popular crowd and learning what it meant to be part of a group. By the time the summer rolled around and I was going to be moving to the high school for grade nine I decided that I didn't like being part of the preppy rich crowd and I preferred the look of the alternative punk kids in my neighborhood. I copied their look with knee high black socks and jean shorts and when I started grade nine at the high school I found myself attracting attention from the people that I had chosen to emulate.

Phase Two: A Rebellious Punk Rocker
Age: Fourteen to Twenty (1989-1995)
From grade nine until the end of my third year of college was a time for parties, indulgence, bad behavior and an almost frantic search for an identity. I made mistakes but I also met a lot of people, saw a lot of lives lived, and somehow grew up. As I got closer to the end of college and to paying back the money I had borrowed to go to school I knew that I needed to get serious and start thinking professionally. I worked hard in my last year and broke the mold in my photography program to teach myself more marketable skills in design and multimedia. I also met a guy who had similar goals and I was able to focus on that relationship and my career and pull myself away from the party scene that I had been participating in.

Phase Three: Professional Multimedia Designer
Age: Twenty-One to Twenty-six (1996-2001)
This phase spans three cities and includes college and work for four different companies. I learned so much during this time, about myself and about the design profession. It took a while to really hit my stride and feel like I was comfortable in my own skin. After college, during my first professional job in Calgary I really changed my lifestyle and my look evolved too. I stopped shopping at thrift stores and started shopping at the Gap for fitted blouses and neck scarfs. It was kind of weird but it fit with the professional life I was living. This whole thing peaked in Minneapolis when I was trying to figure out where I fit in the professional world I was learning about. Moving to New York helped tremendously. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere, in my new job and in the city. I met people who I will be friends with for the rest of my life and I discovered a personal style that was edgy and sophisticated. I eventually ended the relationship I had been in and finally felt like I was happy with just me. I thought I was heading for Phase Four: Single in the City, but instead I chose a very different path.

Phase Four: Falling in Love and Getting Married
Age: Twenty-six to Thirty (2001-2005)
Just when I thought I was ready for a single lifestyle I met the man that I would marry. I didn't know it at the time and I really resisted it for a few months, but eventually Chris's charms would win me over. After living near my friends in the trendy part of Brooklyn for only six months, I moved into his lovely house in New Jersey with him and his two dogs. Despite the fact that Chris and I were spending lots of time alone together going to art shows and movies, there was also plenty of socializing. His band got back together and everyone would come out to the house for rehearsals and to record a new record. There were gigs in the city and also lots of house parties in various places in Brooklyn. After attending three weddings for close friends, Chris and I got married too! We started trying to get pregnant pretty quickly but faced two miscarriages and incredible disappointment that for the first time in my life I wasn't able to control my own destiny. Despite these challenges we continued to have fun, right up until my fabulous, surprise 30th birthday party. The night ended with plenty of tequila shots and three days later I found out I was pregnant again!

Phase Five: Becoming a Mum
Age: Thirty to present
I was so thrilled that I was pregnant again before I turned thirty and the changes in my life started immediately. I quit smoking again, started eating better, and began educating myself on pregnancy and labor/delivery. Everything went really well, the third time was the charm and here I am now, at the beginning of motherhood. It's difficult to reflect on it too much, since I am right in the midst of it all, but I would say this shift has certainly been the most challenging, but already the most rewarding. It's very exciting for me to have this new lens with which to view my life and I know that becoming a mother will define and influence the rest of my life. Exactly how that will play out remains to be seen, but I know that whatever it is will allow me to live up to my potential even more and make my life the best it can be.

Recent Good Things (in no particular order)

Stylish Sweatpants by Victoria's Secret.

The delicious Chicken Melt at Kevin's Thyme in Ho Ho Kus, NJ.

Panang Curry at Ridge Thai in Ridgewood (reviewed here).

Nothing beats the fresh foods at Whole Foods, and I am particularly in love with the new separate Whole Body shop that just opened in Ridgewood.

Magazine Subscriptions: Child, Cookie, Dwell, Eye and Interior Design.

Cheap cool clothes for kids at Old Navy.

In the garden: Rhododendrons (flowering evergreen bush), Clematis (flowering vine) and Dahlias (in pots).

The Container Store.

Shining City on Broadway (NY Times reviewed here).

Turkey Hill Green Tea iced tea with ginseng and honey.

Luella Cherry-Print Pancake bag (from Target)

Planet of the Apes box set.

A bunch of new books and music, listed over in the right column.

The Dog Whisperer on the National Geographic channel (thanks Leila). Cesar Millan is the king of dogs.

Walking with the dogs at Ramapo Reservation.

Love True Blue stamps from the US postal service.

Survivor and CSI on Thursdays.

Growing Up Modern

Check out the New York magazine article "Up With Grups". I suppose that Chris and I fit into this stereotype and it was interesting to read about others who approach life and having a family in some of the same ways that we do. Though we don't buy jeans designed to fall apart and view our kids as accessories, we do go to see Death Cab for Cutie play in the city and have recently been gifted The Ramones and Blondie onesies for our baby. I guess what we liked best about the article was the idea that we aren't going to change much just because we are having kids. Rather than let our child take over our lives he will simply be an addition that will fit in just perfectly with how we do things. (Eventually of course, I know that a newborn is all consuming.)

I'm sure as he gets older he will be introducing us to things that he learns from friends as much as we are teaching things to him, but hopefully it won't be Barney, ridiculous music and waking up at 5am. I figure if we can find things that are better, he won't even know the difference. Who wouldn't want to stay in pajama's all day in bed watching Totoro, or do a kids program at the MoMA and then check out interesting music in Central Park?

Chris and I have talked about this lots before, so it was encouraging to read about people who are doing it too and are managing to raise kids that they like to spend time with, that have a unique sense of self and who may or may not grow up to be like us.